A Man Lying on a Hill, Looking Through a Rifle Scope: Setting Exercise Part 1

     I got down on the ground, laying down between a statue with broken wings and the dead body of the man I had just killed. I reached for my rifle and aimed between the iron gate of the graveyard, making sure to keep the barrel within the brush. I looked through the scope. I had a clear view of the street and the buildings below. A limo arrived. Two men in sunglasses stepped out. I recognized them from the files. Smith and Jenkins. No Walters though. He was lying next to me. They were followed by a man with gray hair and glasses. Dr. Williams. My target. At 3:15 a bell rang. Children began streaming out of school buildings. Smith and Jenkins stood guard. Children rushed past. Dr. Williams looked into the crowd. I had a clear view of the back of his head. Kids ran past the limo. A young girl shouted and Dr. Williams waved his hand. The girl raced across the yard with a big smile and jumped into his open arms. Smith and Jenkins moved in closer. Their weapons were drawn, held at their sides. Smith stepped next to Dr. Williams. He then brought his weapon to the side of Dr. Williams’ head. I fired and Smith went down. I brought the scope to Jenkins and fired again as he was raising his weapon. He went down. People screamed. Dr. Williams, holding the girl, spun around with a look of shock. He dropped to the ground covering the girl with his body. The driver jumped out of the limo with a weapon in his hand. As he aimed for Dr. Williams I fired. He went down.

   “Target is safe,” I said into my mic.

     I got up off the ground, placed my rifle in its case, and slung it over my shoulder. I stepped over the body and made my way down the other side of the hill. I heard sirens as I walked past the gravestones.

Afterword:

The exercise here was to take a simple setting, for example a man lying on a hill looking through a rifle scope, and try to undermine the reader’s expectations. The goal was to lead the reader in a different direction by not revealing the main character’s desire upfront, or by revealing a surprising motivation.

Things I learned:

In my first draft I had an extra scene in the beginning that kind of explains how the character got to the hill. I didn’t think that I could do this exercise without the extra scene. But by revising and revising again I was able to to keep it to one scene.

“Kill your darlings.” I had a line that I had a hard time cutting, a line I was so happy with when I first wrote it. By cutting the line and reworking the scene I came up with something better. Well, at least I hope I did.

Next: Setting Exercise Part 2